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Joke of the Day

"BRENDA: I brought cookies! ME: I guess I can have one, I've been good all week *eats cookie* *eats entire tray of cookies* *eats Brenda too*"

"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"My laboratory assistant has invented a device that allows you to steal other people's ideas and then permanently delete them from the subject's memory. Why didn't I think of that?"

"They found Bruce Willis dead next to a bottle of Viagra... ...I guess he *Died Hard*"

"Oprah says we all have a small child inside of us longing to get out & omg why isn't anyone talking about Oprah eating children?"

"Why do birds fly south for the winter? because its too far to walk!"

"After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia."

"You can't run in a campground You can only ran because it's past tents."

"Friend: Are you growing your hair out? Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long"

"Knock knock..I eat mop Thats nasty."