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Joke of the Day

"Oprah says we all have a small child inside of us longing to get out & omg why isn't anyone talking about Oprah eating children?"

"Hillary and Bernie walk into a bar... Hillary says that she shouldn't buy the drinks because she is Hillary. Bernie says that the drinks should be free for everyone. America dies."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a jew? The pizza doesn't scream in the oven"

"There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I'm gonna be friggin' unstoppable....."

"Scandanavian Booty Call What did the Norse goddess say to Thor when he drunk dialed her? ""I aint no Valhalla back girl."""

"I used to have a job circumcising elephants.. It was shit work but the tips were massive."

"A dozen fish are in a tank. Then one proclaims: ""Can anybody drive this thing?"""

"Billy wanted to learn how to juggle... ...but he never had the balls to do it"

"The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg."

"So, the KGB walks into a bar... ...and they start, uh... they... I, uh... I don't know. I didn't see *anything*; I swear!"