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Joke of the Day

"[Oldie but goodie] The three stages of a married couple's sex life Tri weekly, try weekly and try weakly."

"When I asked for screenshots, I meant using the PRT SCR button, not shaky pictures of the screen with your phone, you idiot."

"Wanna know what's worse than three people stapled to one tree? One person stapled to three trees."

"A blonde walks into the doctors and explains that she is unable to drink coffee without getting a severe pain in her eye. The doctor replies; ""Maybe take the spoon out before you try drinking it"""

"I hate to brag, but several ladies just asked me if I wanted a date. On multiple street corners."

"Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics? Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border."

"God: done? Noah: yea G: whats this Noah proudly: a swing set G: u built a park. I asked for an ark N: a what? G: a boat N: say boat then"

"I'm Russian When Stalin for food"

"[dj voice] ""What's up Dad Party!"" *dads go nuts* ""I wanna know, IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?!?"" [dads in unison] DON'T TOUCH THE THERMOSTAT"

"You know what Trump and the Note 7 have in common? You know it will blow up, just not when."