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Joke of the Day

"Why can't Mexicans win the Olympics? Because every one that can run, jump or swim has already crossed the border."

"I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery."

"Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard."

"My favorite pirate joke (no arrr) Say it out loud. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? I'm 80!"

"Why don't parrot's like black people? Because Polly wants a cracker."

"What's does a photon and Donald Trump have in common? Both full of energy and momentum, both lacking substance."

"""USA is #1! USA is #1!"" me explaining international dialing codes"

"I imagine one day my dearest friends will say at my funeral, ""Wow. What an idiot. Who chokes to death on orange sherbet?"""

"The Les Miserables sequel is so much better. Hugh Jackman has knives in his hands and fights a bunch of ninjas and shit. No singing at all!!"

"I want you to be completely honest with me as long as you're only pointing out my strengths."