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Joke of the Day

"Asked my ex-husband once for song requests. He said he wanted to hear the sound of silence. So I sang, ""Hello darkness, my old friend...."""

"I was making fun of some sodium chloride and ended up being charged with aggravating a salt."

"I've decided my tweets sound better when I say them so instead of tweeting I'm just gonna call all of you when I think of stuff."

"Somewhere in Africa... a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts."

"I got done for shoplifting today. I paid for six cans of Sprite at the self checkout, but when security checked my bag he discovered I'd picked 7 up."

"What do crocs and getting a blowjob from a man have in common? They both feel great until you look down and realise you are gay."

"What do you call a collection of Tyler Perry's movies? Fifty Shades of Black"

"It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative."

"Why don't Arab women need Insurance? Because they are already covered."

"You shouldn't legally be allowed to buy Cool Ranch Doritos unless you pay for it with change while stoned at a gas station"