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Joke of the Day

"You shouldn't legally be allowed to buy Cool Ranch Doritos unless you pay for it with change while stoned at a gas station"

"What's an MLG's smartphone of choice? An HTC One M8."

"Some people need therapy. ... The rest of us just know how to conceal evidence"

"Bought a Clap-On Clap-Off light for my bedroom Nearly gave the hooker a seizure during a rough session."

"Someone broke into my local corner shop and stole 30 cases of Red Bull last night Honestly, I don't know how these people sleep at night"

"Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies."

"Did you hear that Robin got married? Holy Matrimony, Batman!"

"What phrase describes both my personal life and how I feel about the /r/Ama-ggedon? Fuck /u/kn0thing"

"What do Mexican parents and good reddit comments have in common? They have lots of children."

"You're 35 weeks pregnant and gonna make me do math?"