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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell."

"Pretty certain the day I die my body will be found tangled in Saran Wrap with an untouched sandwich on the counter."

"You know the jack in a box that scared the life out of you when you were a child? That's me as an adult cooking with my smoke detector"

"Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica"

"Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Ruff Me: *pets dog* Dog: Dude, I said your hands are ruff; can't you moisturize?"

"Two Sardars were fixing a bomb in a car. Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing? Sardar 2: Don't worry, I have one more."

"A skeleton goes into a bar... orders a beer, and a mop."

"I couldn't figure out why my data wasn't coming out like my classmate's, until I realized I dropped a square root in the formula. I put it back in and re-plotted the data. I saw a radical change."

"Did you know Justin Bieber has an 8 inch cock? Yeah, but it's up his ass and it belongs to Usher"

"I like my women with curves. Those skinny ones are alway mad cause they're hungry."