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Joke of the Day

"Symptoms of mental illness: -Hearing voices -Hallucinating -Complaining about how other people use their social media accounts"

"""Russel Brand reports he keeps being told he needs to shake up his image"" or, as people have been phrasing it 'Rustle brand'."

"There should be a terrible show about a woman, her mom, and her daughter, all 3 named Jennifer, called ""Jenerations"" on Lifetime or the CW."

"If I died & went straight to hell it would probably take me 2 or 3 weeks before I realized I wasn't at work anymore."

"I've created a new strain of marijuana called halal haze.. . It's so strong... It'll get you stoned to death."

"What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*"

"What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing."

"Nothing against fat chicks having high self-esteem Just not yoga pants high"

"What does a sign on a out-of-business brothel say? Beat it, we're closed."

"What do you call a nun on a bicycle? Virgin Mobile"