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Joke of the Day
"Back in my day, we didn't have Instagram. We had to bore people in person with photo albums."
Next Joke
"A man walks into a bar.. ..all the bottles fall down."
"How you doin' Jerusalem! ""WINE"" Here's a new tric- ""MAKE WINE"" Please, I've been working very hard on my routi- *dodges stone jars of water*"
"Hey Dad, your neighbor called, they wanna know if you could turn down your TV, they've already heard this episode of Law & Order."
"[Pickup Line] Are you a phillips or flathead? OP: Uh, I don't know, why? YOU: I'm just trying to figure out how to screw you."
"what gets wet when it dries?? a towel"
"Cop: can you describe the guy who stabbed you Me: yes, he was not very friendly"
"In awkward situations I'll sometimes break out my braille version of Calvin and Hobbes. You know - comic relief."
"Friend said I was becoming antisocial. Ridiculous. You build one little moat and people jump to hasty conclusions."
"So my neighbor knocks on my door. So my neighbor knocks on my door at 2:30am last night. 2:30AM!!! Can you believe it?!!? Lucky for him, I was up playing my drums."