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Joke of the Day

"Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya."

"What did the psychiatrist say to the man who walked into his office wearing nothing but saran wrap? I can clearly see you're nuts."

"a mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. he says ""uno, dos..."" and then promptly disappeared without a tres."

"We all have someone's phone number in our phone and they have no idea we have it!"

"If you show me an Italian assembly line... I'll show you a well oiled machine."

"What is the best way to follow a lost dog's paw prints? With a track-tor!"

"Accordion to studies... Most people don't replace the first word of a sentence with an instrument"

"Shocking that people who've been physically assaulting each other for 3 hours would lose their tempers."

"I was just looking in the mirror this morning, thinking about who I was. I suppose you could say I was reflecting."

"What does a girl from Alabama say after having sex? Get off me Dad! You're crushing my smokes!"