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Joke of the Day

"I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them! to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on"

"What's the hardest part about fucking a cripple? Paralyzing her."

"Drunkenly changed my voicemail to ""if you like cheese, press 2. Para Spanish, press cheese. To hear more cheeses, say goooo-DA"""

"Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?"

"I googled 'Gary Oldman' and left off the 'r' It was the longest 3 hours of my life."

"What did the bunny say when he only had thistles to eat? Thistle have to do!"

"A Chemistry Degree is like an awesome girlfriend, because you get anal before getting physical."

"2 Irishmen in a helicopter..... One turns to the other and says ""Dew tink if oi turned this here choppa upside down we'll fall out""? ""Don't talk daft, we'll always be friends"""

"My boss is so nit picky that he's not even a micro manager... ...he's a quantum manager."

"The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die."