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Joke of the Day

"""Hello, Time Warner? I need to speak with someone about setting up local Gotham cable in a secret prison. Yes, I'll hold."" - Bane"

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

"Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have? A: One that never misses a period."

"How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers."

"After an argument with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I don't like to be spoken to in that tone of voice."

"How many Vietnam Vets will it take to change a ligh...nevermind, man! You wouldn't understand cuz you weren't there, man!"

"Two women are sitting quietly..."

"As a Volkswagen Engineer, do you know what really grinds my gears? The Tiptronic transmission, actually, but I invented these noise cancelling headphones!"

"The fact that they call it the Food Pyramid and not Food Triangle implies it has at least two other sides. So maybe this much taffy is OK"

"Q: When is a car not a car? A: When it turns into a parking lot."