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Joke of the Day

"How many Vietnam Vets will it take to change a ligh...nevermind, man! You wouldn't understand cuz you weren't there, man!"

"What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & access your data, and the other is a hardware standard."

"I just leaped over a 3ft tall dog gate with the skill and grace of an olympian to get a snack from microwave. *Adds track star to resume*"

"What's white and gives you a solid 9+ inches that gives you a workout every time? Snow Storms"

"Patient: Doctor you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Patient: I just did didn't I you stupid fool!!"

"If only the person that named ""walkie talkies"" had been in charge of naming so many more household objects."

"It's not the amount of followers young GRASSHOPPER. It's the quality of followers."

"Want a pudding pop? I don't give a fuck if you want it or not. Stop crying. You're gonna take this motherfucking pudding pop."

"You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes..."

"Amazon is selling used copies of 50 Shades....ewe"