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Joke of the Day

"I don't get why everyone told me how great it is to swim with dolphins. I've been stuck in this tuna net for five days."

"Kill two birds with one stone. Kill two birds with two stones. Kill as many birds with as many stones as you want. We must eradicate birds."

"""You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck."" - my voicemail message"

"What do you get hanging from orange trees? Sore arms."

"""Whenever one door closes, another opens."" ""Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."" ""No, I live in a haunted house."""

"Tuna comments What do tuna fish say pussy tastes like?"

"This could be the Alcohol talking but.... OMG you guys! The ALCOHOL is TALKING!"

"How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it? Play the piano until you find the right key."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.... When the librarian saw me, she called the police."

"I never chase a man. I always go for the ones who are too fat to run."