169944

Joke of the Day

"How can you get out of a locked room with a piano in it? Play the piano until you find the right key."

"The ocean is full of sharks, jellyfish, man-eating octopus, and nightmare whales, but make sure you wait a half-hour after eating to go in."

"How many Brazilians does it take to change a lightbulb? One Brazillion."

"Helen Keller walked into a bar And a table, and a chair"

"The only girl who ever texts me... Is Amber Alert."

"[Listening to Hungry Like the Wolf] 10yo: When did this come out? Me: Hmm...'82? 10: 19 or 18? Me:..."

"Annoying guy trying to hit on me: This is like a scene from a romantic movie. Me: Yeah, I'm the iceberg and you're the Titanic. #Queen"

"Riddle: What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak? A dead bird"

"Why did the football player laugh when he broke his arm? Because it was humerus."

"#Parenthood Throwing a ball to a two year old is like....well...playing ""throw a ball and go get it yourself""...."