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Joke of the Day

"""You have 15 seconds to convince me of why I should call you back. Good luck."" - my voicemail message"

"""I'm great in bed"" ~ breakfast"

"That'll do it! How do you kill a vegetarian vampire? You stab him with a steak to the heart."

"I don't mind your bad kids running around if you don't mind me tripping them."

"Why did the pig send his story to New York? He wanted to be published on Pork Avenue."

"Why couldn't Cinderella play football very well? Her coach was a pumpkin"

"What would you call the mailman if he got fired? I don't know, just some dude."

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNNNG! What's brown and sounds like a Southern Belle? Blanche Devereaux with a tan."

"I wish Candy Canes were shaped less awkward and tasted more like cocaine."

"What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? an Envelope EDIT: My deepest Canadian apologies to those who are calling this a riddle. I always took it as a cheesy joke"