16552

Joke of the Day

"By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table"

"What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door? Let my peephole grow!"

"I've been sober as far back as I can remember. Which is roughly 11 hours."

"What did the illiterate Mexican say to the funny looking bottle of mayonnaise? ""LMAO"""

"""Well, I guess I'll stagger around, speak gibberish, & touch all the shit I'm not supposed to while you get irritated."" Drunks & toddlers."

"Say what you want about Canada but they successfully got rid of Justin Bieber."

"TIL 6.7 billion people are the minority By arrogant ignorant Americans."

"Your make-up application says ""I failed Clown College""."

"My doctor said I shouldn't binge drink, so now I just drink all the time."

"This Tweet has been a test of the Emergency Procrastination System."