165198

Joke of the Day

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he ate the pizza before it was cool."

"Wife: Let's go outside. 3-year-old: No! The deer will eat me. Wife: Deer don't eat people 3: The zombie ones do Wife: Get your dad. Now."

"LPT: Think content you are looking for has been removed from the internet? Just ask the NSA, They always keep backups!"

"Just once, I'd like to open up my refrigerator and find cartoon versions of my favorite foods arguing over which one of them is healthier."

"What is the best part about raping a midget? Their arms are too short to hold you back."

"This year for Lent, I'm just giving up."

"""Ok, I know this is creepy af but check this out.."" -first taxidermist"

"Do you know why the nobles always mistreated their peasants? Because they're all a bunch of vassals."

"""Tim's coming tonight"" ""Tim with hooves for feet or Tim that likes to bang coconut halves together?"" [in the distance] clip-clop clip-clop"

"MOTHER PIG: What did you learn in school today? FIRST PIGLET: Oink! Oink! SECOND PIGLET: Oink! Oink! THIRD PIGLET: Woof! Woof! MOTHER PIG: What? THIRD PIGLET: I'm taking a foreign language."