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Joke of the Day

"Why did Adrian Peterson sign with the Minnesota Twins? Because they needed a switch-hitter."

"Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like hugging a cactus. The tighter you hold on. The more it hurts."

"Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing."

"Robots If robots were somehow about to sexually reproduce, they wouldn't have to change much. I mean they already have a binary system."

"Look at your disgusting balls. That's LITERALLY exactly what Jesus wants them to look like. #Bible"

"What did Haley Joel Osment find at the top of Mt. Everest? Icy Dead People"

"I was talking to my grandfather When he said ""your generation relies too much on technology"" I then said "" no grandpa yours does"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"I was having dinner .. .. .. with Garry Kasporov and on the table was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass me the salt."

"How do you get honey from a graveyard? From a zombee! I'll see myself out"

"It's only been a few days, but I'm starting to forget everything I knew about Mitch Romley."