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Joke of the Day

"I was talking to my grandfather When he said ""your generation relies too much on technology"" I then said "" no grandpa yours does"" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Donald Trump has just announced his candidacy for president Sorry for putting the punchline in the title."

"What do you call a pessimistic clone? A repli-can't!"

"Food Network makes me feel like a perv: Beat it It's not moist enough My wrist is tired Look how thick it's getting It's all about flavor"

"I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s"

"Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you."

"My wife just got an IUD. She says her period will only last about a day now. I said, ""there's gotta be strings attached."""

"Stages of inebriation: Sociable, fun, hilarious, inappropriate, bitter, sad, need new pants, need new friends."

"How much blow can Charlie Sheen do? Enough to kill Two and a half Men"

"What's brown and furry on the inside and clear on the outside? King Kong in clingfilm"