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Joke of the Day
"Look at your disgusting balls. That's LITERALLY exactly what Jesus wants them to look like. #Bible"
Next Joke
"Screw your Twitter Crushes and Twitter Husbands and Twitter Nemeses. I want a Twitter Penguin. I want a pet penguin, but only on Twitter."
"When the mechanic said I 'blew a seal', I was afraid he knew about that summer I worked at Sea World but it turns out it's some car thing."
"Your vagina is so dry... ...That Native Americans do rain dances around it."
"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton survive a capsized boat. Who drowns? The boat."
"If you could eliminate one entire race off of the face of the planet, which would you choose? the 5k fun run, or the 100 meter dash?"
"What's the difference between an all girls soccer team and a tribe of pygmies? One is a bunch of cunning runts."
"Why doesn't Kim Jong Un ever defecate? Because he's too legit to shit."
"What is small furry and brilliant at sword fights ? A mouseketeer !"
"If you are under 18 years old please Unfollow me, I have underwear older than you."