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Joke of the Day

"""you look nice"" - sweet potato ""im so high"" - baked potato ""you suck!"" - roast potato ""what have I done"" - guy who made talking potatoes"

"What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs there's still a greasy box to put your bone in."

"At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen."

"What is the name of Apple's revolutionary new product that allows elite pirates to see from their eyepatches. The iEyeCaptain"

"LPT: If a stranger offers you drugs... Say ""Thank you!"", as drugs are expensive."

"Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids."

"If mummies are from egypt, then where are daddies from?"

"I welcome new employees by leaving a candy bar on their desk. Then I drop by later and yell, ""Yo, who ate my candy? You're my bitch now!""."

"Vegetarians eat vegetables... What do veterinarians eat? (you thought I was gonna ask about humanitarians, didn't you?)"

"One time my dad caught me doing homework and made me eat an entire pack of calculators"