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Joke of the Day

"[commercial] ""This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling"" narrator: Narrators"

"Don't ask me where I've been all your life if you're going to look so bored when I open my diary and give you a comprehensive answer."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people living above me are furious."

"Why don't you make jokes about muslims? Because they will fucking kill you."

"In a new study women with large asses live longer.........the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives"

"I was carrying some spaghetti as I walked past a priest.. You could say I moved some pasta past a pastor."

"Who can make six figures a year and still be poor? A toy builder."

"Why don't Muslims fill out online forms? Because they refuse to Submit to anyone but Allah."

"Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? If it had four, it'd be called a chicken sedan."

"There is always that one person you want to punch for no reason every-time you see them."