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Joke of the Day

"What's the best way to get a foreign dog to behave? A treaty."

"Did you hear they're making a Source Code 2? It's gonna be called Source Code: The SQL!"

"I hate when someone wants to have sex with me for superficial reasons before they even know how funny."

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell outta it"

"If I untagged myself in your Facebook picture that had nothing to do with me, please consider it as a polite fcuk you."

"Girlfriend: ""babe it's hot I need a fan"" [Boyfriend starts taking pictures with her and BEGGING for autographs]"

"Q: Where does an Irish person go on a vacation? A: A new bar"

"You won't be hearing from me for a while. I'm being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatables.... I gotta lilo."

"If I've learned anything from the Kardashians it's that I shouldn't let my complete lack of talent hold me back."

"What's black, cheap, and not worth a damn? A cup of decaf"