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Joke of the Day

"I have a solution to procrastination I will tell you tomorrow"

"Reality T.V. Show Idea: Put The Kardashians, Honey Boo Boo, and the Jersey Shore cast on a island. Have them fight it out until the last one stands and call it ""Who Gives A Fuk"""

"""Hello?"" Dad come get me from practice ""Sorry I'm going into a tunnel"" *sound of mom giggling* But I called the *connection drops* ...landline"

"Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?"

"You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good."

"I can't wait for the stage of capitalism where we have to watch a 15 second advertisement before we remember a memory."

"What does the chemistry teacher like to do with his dead bodies after he kills 'em? Barium."

"With terrorists in Iran, Turkey helping fund ISIS, and Greece in economic shambles I must ask. If Iran attacked Turkey from the rear do you think Greece would help?"

"Did you hear about the murder of the door maker? The police said it was an open and shut case."

"1 out of 5 dentists is illiterate, and could not complete the survey."