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Joke of the Day

"Why did the plane crash Because the pilot was a loaf of bread"

"OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail"

"Did you hear about the Middle Eastern beauty contest? Me neither."

"She called and said she didn't have anywhere else to go, so I agreed with her."

"The Human Centipede wasn't that bad really.. ...most of it was tongue in cheek."

"If future me us reading this some how, please reply ASAP Need help with my life"

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"Life dull? Add 'or die trying' to every statement. ""I'm gonna pick up milk on the way home OR DIE TRYING."" Instant excitement."

"Use chemicals to remove polish nobody bats an eye Use chemicals to remove Polish and you are literally Hitler."

"What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer? One sells watches and one watches cells"