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Joke of the Day

"Use chemicals to remove polish nobody bats an eye Use chemicals to remove Polish and you are literally Hitler."

"Bus stop A man with three eyes, no arms and one leg is waiting at a bus stop. A bus pulls up. The driver opens the door and says, ""Eye eye eye, you look armless enough, hop on!"""

"There's a banana and a vibrator on a table... The banana turns to the vibrator and asks: ""Hey, why are you trembling? It's not *you* they're going to eat!"""

"Why did the one handed man cross the road? To get toThe second hand shop."

"[hospital] Looks like ur Vine went viral. ""Yay!"" Sorry ur VEIN went viral...you have a fatal blood disease. ""So waitmy Vine didn't go viral?"""

"Rodney Dangerfield: ""Y'know, my wife and I, we never have sex... ... we get undressed, we can't stop laughing."""

"Great Comcast customer service http://gizmodo.com/comcast-changed-customers-name-to-asshole-brown-but-i-1682409072 Best article i red in while."

"Apparently 1 in 5 of us live next to a paedophile.. Not me though, I live next to a gorgeous 8 year old."

"Don't you hate when the whole movie theater's empty, but someone sits right next to you? I know you do, that's why I do it."

"I've decided to move to southern France... I've got nothing Toulouse."