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Joke of the Day

"Who did E.coli call after it lost a fight in school? Broccoli"

"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born yesterday."

"Just received an invitation to the local nudists club... I though why not, I've got nothing on."

"Doc: So you're not sleeping? Me: nah D: how much water do you drink? M: a glass a day D: Alcohol? M: 4 glasses D: Coffee? M: Yes, please"

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""

"Babies are really expensive, which is why all the ones in Babies R Us don't have price tags."

"What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? her bellybutton."

"KIDNAPPER: Get in the trunk ME: You're abducting me 4 days before Christmas? K: Heh yep ME: Omg thank you K: What ME: I'm all yours K: Wait"

"My boyfriend and I got couples tattoos today!!!! PLEASE do not tell my husband"

"Yes. You rt'd me 14 times in a row. Thanks. You are first in line for my liver when the time comes."