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Joke of the Day

"Doc: So you're not sleeping? Me: nah D: how much water do you drink? M: a glass a day D: Alcohol? M: 4 glasses D: Coffee? M: Yes, please"

"What does America and my Milk have in common? Both will go bad in 9 days."

"TIL why Conservatives don't use birth control. Boys don't get pregnant."

"How many Scottish highlanders does it take to change a light bulb? There can be only one."

"The people you may know list should be renamed to, the people you may want to block."

"I'd advise you graduates to keep your graduation gown. It's the only outfit you might not outgrow."

"Earth's scientists have discovered that sheep are smarter than most primates. This explains why not a lot of sheep tune in to Jersey Shore."

"What do condoms and taxes have in common? Republicans are against them and democrats want more for schools."

"[date] HER: So do you like Star Wars? ME: Oh yeah HER: Who's your favorite character? ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga"

"What do your mom and a hockey team have in common? They both go three periods without a shower."