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Joke of the Day

"We'll take these $75 baby shoes. No need for a shoe box. We'll just let him wear & outgrow them on the car ride home."

"Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means? Me: We have to be quick! *Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*"

"Accidentally got in the 10 items or less line with 11 items again, so I made two separate transactions so I wouldn't piss anyone off."

"You don't have to like me but at least base it on your own opinion, not someone Else's."

"Why does Sean Connery have no money and a beard? Because he's no good at shaving."

"I've met some real pricks in my time but you my friend are the f*cking cactus."

"Who proofread Hitler's speeches? A grammar nazi"

"One day you'll find someone who loves you for you. Someone with low, low, super way low standards. Lower than what you're thinking right now"

"My girlfriend left because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impression. But don't worry... I'll return."

"What's the best part of having sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and imaging you are poking through Old guy at work told me that hahaha"