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Joke of the Day

"One day you'll find someone who loves you for you. Someone with low, low, super way low standards. Lower than what you're thinking right now"

"So the Zika virus causes tiny brains huh? Something something something Congress something something Donald Trump."

"Squad goals: To have a squad"

"Zen master: Do you possess the Buddha nature? Me: Well, I've spent 49 days under a tree. But that was just laziness."

"Being nice is exhausting, which is why evil people have so much energy."

"Whats blue and smells like red paint? blue paint"

"Whats the difference between a boy scout and a jew? The boy scout returns home from the camp."

"the road to Failure is paved with Doritos."

"I'm at my most Disney Princess when I fight with my stepfamily before drunkenly losing my shoe at a party."

"If you bury someone in the wrong place then you have made a grave mistake."