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Joke of the Day

"One day you'll find someone who loves you for you. Someone with low, low, super way low standards. Lower than what you're thinking right now"

"What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini!"

"What do you call a reliable coke dealer? Instagram"

"Please keep yelling incoherently at strangers on the internet about which candidate you think is best. This will surely change their minds"

"how do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her."

"I've decided to teach postcolonial theory instead of seventeenth-century poetry. Because, you know, easier Said than Donne."

"It's hard to explain things to kleptomaniacs They always take things literally."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Leos don't change lightbulbs although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out."

"How do you tell a friend their breath stinks without being rude? ""I'm bored, let's brush our teeth!"""

"What did the field say to the farmer with no crops? Stop fallowing me!"