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Joke of the Day

"Hubs: Kids are still asleep! Know what that means? Me: We have to be quick! *Runs to the hidden box of Cocoa Puffs and pours 2 big bowls*"

"Having kids means you'll have a lot of interrupted conversa--"

"Have you ever gotten shampoo in your mouth while singing in the shower? Turns into a real Soap Opera."

"I spend 17% of my day wiping the fingerprints off my phone screen."

"What do you call a cow with only legs on one side? Lean Beef."

"My wife said ""why do you always treat me like a cunt?"" I didn't know what to say, so I just put 2 fingers in her mouth and licked her nose."

"What's the problem with auto-erotic asphyxia? You don't know if you're coming or going"

"Why is there no gang violence on the space station? Because it is a zero G environment."

"So there was a kidnapping in one of the local schools Teacher woke him up though."

"Woke up this morning with a pillow over my face, hearing someone muttering ""...it would be so easy..."""