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Joke of the Day

"America and Britain are in a race... to see who can fuck up their country more. Britain is winning at the moment but America sure has a Trump card."

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? In little Nazis."

"*eats an entire box of cereal in one sitting* Wtf there's no prize in this? ""Sir, we don't sell cereal. This is Petsmart."""

"I have a bumper sticker that says... ""Honk if you think I'm sexy."" Then I wait at green lights till I feel better about myself."

"Teacher: Who fought in the Civil War? Millennial student: Captain America and Iron Man. T: ...."

"A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are on a sinking ship. The pastor yells ""Save the children!"" The rabbi replies ""Pft, fuck the children!"" The priest says ""Do you think we have time?"""

"I am really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y. Credit: Chris Turner"

"just heard someone pronounce the H in wheel so I'm gonna need a minute"

"Two cows are standing around talking... ""Hey, have you been following the news? All this mad cow disease going around is scary!"" ""Yeah! Thank god we're elephants."""

"What did the pirate say after his successful pillage? Thanks for the gold kind stranger!"