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Joke of the Day

"""We need a name for this big flat state full of corn and you're gonna be the one to do it"" ""I...uhhh... Wha?"" ""Nailed it. Next state."""

"Before you move to Canada after Trump gets elected, just know that it's May 13th and it's currently snowing here."

"Where does the zombie president live? In the wight house."

"Would Bill Cosby make a shitty bartender?"

"Q:What did The Banana Say To the Vibrator? A:Why the fuck are you shaking, she's going to eat me!"

"A policeman just knocked on the door. He said, ""It looks like your wife has been in an accident..."" I said ""Yes but she has a great personality!"""

"What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer."

"What kind of milk do the wealthiest people in the world give to their children? 1%"

"My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account."

"When I die, I want to pass peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa. Not screaming at the oncoming truck like the rest of us in his car."