147119

Joke of the Day

"I love telling dead baby jokes... They just never get old!"

"I'm more excited to see my suitcase come down the baggage carousel at an airport than I am to see most people."

"*Looking through binoculars Awww, it looks like she forgot her password. I should remind her what it is."

"I threw some pills at my doctor I thought it would be a good idea to give him a taste of his own medicine"

"I'm already getting anxious over Christmas due to my Santa Claustrophobia-the fear of being smothered in an elevator by a crowd of Santas."

"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so."

"""Let the chips fall where they may."" -My kids when they're eating chips on the couch."

"""Hi yes I'd like to attempt the Cheeseburger challenge"" ""Very good sir"" [ripped as hell cheeseburger runs out of the kitchen & bodyslams me]"

"[Ouija board] Me: Demon? I-W-I-L-L-E-A-T-Y-O-U-R-E-S-O-U-L Me: *your Y-O-U-K-N-O-W W-H-A-T-I-D-O-N-T-W-A-N-T-Y-O-U-R-S-O-U-L-A-N-Y-M-O-R-E"

"In the UK we celebrate Thanksgiving as the day we managed to ship all our paranoid religious fundamentalists off to another continent."