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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow that has a record player, tight pants, and thick brimmed glasses? A hip-steer."

"What do you call an existential lycanthrope? A whywolf."

"I went for a run and got back two minutes later because I forgot something, I forgot I'm fat and can't run for more than two minutes."

"me: mom i like this person from twitter mom: TWITTER IS LIKE CRAIGSLIST YOU THINK YOURE BUYING USED BOWLING SHOES AND YOU WIND UP DEAD"

"Black Jews Whats the worst part of being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven"

"I never understood how a mother could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed."

"I saw Donald Trump walk by Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller without stopping... Turns out he really doesn't recognize Jewish Stars."

"I should have used more oils to get this off easier.. I'm trying to jerk it off but it won't come. Honey, dinner is stuck to the pan."

"How many US Congressmen does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh, please. Like they've ever changed anything that needed it."

"I went to get a physical and the doctor told me I need to stop masturbating... I said, ""why?"" He said, ""Because I am giving you a physical!"""