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Joke of the Day

"7: mommy can I play on your computer? Me: later 7: what do you mean by later? Me: I'm hoping you forget."

"When life hands you melons... You might be dyslexic."

"If your going to be two faced at least make one of them pretty."

"you should be able to order mcnuggets in any quantity. just have a flat price for a single nug, like a quarter. i feel strongly about this."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. ...because I don't have time to get arrested today."

"You know the difference between 2 dicks and a joke is? You can't take a joke."

"What do we want? Race-car noises! When do we want them? Neeeeeeoooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww!"

"if you're ever running late just bring a huge glass of milk along and be drinking it noisily as you walk in and no one will say shit to you"

"*speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info."

"Little Johnny asked one day, ""Mommy can little girls give birth?"" ""No son. Of course not"" ""Oh OK... Hey Susie! Its OK to keep playing the game now!"""