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Joke of the Day

"if you're ever running late just bring a huge glass of milk along and be drinking it noisily as you walk in and no one will say shit to you"

"What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys? Coach. What do you call one white guy surrounded by 100 black guys? Warden."

"Beyonce's birthday list: 1) The (former) planet Pluto 2) Maybach factory 3) The Taj Mahal 4) Lost city of Atlantis 5) Facebook"

"Shakespeare was a good sport... He ended all his sonnets with gg."

"Why don't more dinosaurs join the police force? They can't hide behind billboards."

"Half of all marriages end in divorce. That's not so bad. The other half end in death!"

"The Ninja Turtles went to a weapons store. They all got what they wanted except for Raphael They didn't have his sai's."

"I scared 5 and he buzzed while we played operation. He went and told my wife on me. Long story short, I'm sitting in timeout tweeting this."

"why didn't jimmy drive the tractor? Because he had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? Because he was a potato."

"I just don't understand these dirty cocktail names anymore... ...what on earth is a Penis Collider?"