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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Do you think of me when you're away darling?"" Husband: ""Yes honey I always bare you in mind."""

"Next time you get in a fight with your girl.. Go tighten all the lids on the jars."

"I've been thinking about the Reddit rules and I thought of a major flaw [deleted]"

"I just punched what I thought was a paparazzi with a long lens. It was an old man with a wheat bread sub. Sorry."

"How many startup CEOs does it take to change a light bulb? Change a light bulb? Pfft! We are game changers."

"walk up in the club like what up omg this is a funeral i am so sorry I twerked on the casket sorry for your loss."

"They probably could have called lightbulbs, just ""bulbs"". Most people would still get it."

"If I would brush my teeth as vigorously as the people in the toothpaste commercials do, my sink would look like a murder scene."

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is ""beautiful""... ...because bitches love it when you call them ""beautiful"""

"Jose Cuervo showed up at his girlfriend's house with a gun... Tequila"