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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Kindle and a Kindle Fire? The Kindle Fire has a lithium battery."

"What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving."

"I was asked today why I thought Kim Kardashian & Kanye West would break up. I replied ""dunno, but they're BOUND 2 EVENTUALLY"" I hate myself."

"Why did the hipster fail making ice cubes for his bourbon? Because he pulled out the tray before it was cool"

"During love scenes in a Wes Anderson movie, the sound effects guy rubs a baguette against corduroy."

"""Don't kill it!"" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it."

"Hello is this HP? I'd like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer."

"What do you get if a post office burns down? Black mail."

"Waitress: ""Enjoy your meal"" Patron: ""you too"" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]"

"How do you know your girlfriend is too young for you? You have to make airplane noises to put your dick in her mouth"