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Joke of the Day

"""Don't kill it!"" my friend pleaded for a spider's life inside. So I carefully trapped it in a cup, brought it outside, then stomped on it."

"So my girlfriend told me she wanted to go to the zoo. I told her Wal-Mart is right down the street, and it's free."

"I live in a glass house and my back door is a jar"

"I hadn't seen my girlfriend for a while... When she saw me, she said, ""Wow, your hands are so soft!"" ""But... where have you been working out?"""

"What's a frogs favorite drug? Croakcain."

"had anyone heard of the new patriot themed beer. I heard it wasn't that good, it was A little flat."

"My first wife was a great housekeeper. She kept both houses"

"Hey person who wrote ""WASH ME"" on my car, I know it wasn't my car that wrote that. My car doesn't speak English. I'm onto you."

"Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on 'Once Upon A Christmas'? Isn't that a form of cannibalism?"

"My girlfriend is due tomorrow ...however, I have to wait 18 years before I can date her"