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Joke of the Day

"Discretion is being able to raise your eyebrow instead of your voice."

"What do people in florida do when their car breaks down? Build a house next to it."

"Do you know what the difference is between patronising and condescending? Condescending is where you talk down to someone. Don't you worry your pretty little head about it though."

"Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide! Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha!"

"Worst thing about having a one-syllable name: Every ""Happy Birthday"" singer stretches it out awkwardly to fit the song. ""Paaaa-aul"""

"Lost Wallet I thought my dad would be angry when I told him I had lost my wallet, but he told me not to worry, that it was in my genes."

"A woman goes to the doctor... The doctor asks ""What seems to be the problem?"" She responds, ""Every time I sneeze, I orgasm"" The doctor ask, ""Are you taking anything for it?"" ""Yeah, pepper."""

"I take pictures of my weed because they say the camera adds 10 pounds."

"I wanted to tell you this great Ebola joke. You probably won't get it."

"Just heard this one at the pub: What do you call a monkey with a suicide vest? Ba***boom!*** ^(Don't worry, I kicked him out the door.)"