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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said she was leaving me because I never pay attention ...or something like that... I wasn't really listening."

"I am not an accident waiting to happen. I am an accident. Happening."

"A girl walks into a bar, asks the bartender for a double entendre. Then he gave it to her."

"From a 3yo buddy of mine (x-post from r/AntiJokes) Knock knock. Who's there? Banana with no skin."

"I just sent a screen shot of my drunken tweets to my friends & they are still asking if I can come pick them up"

"Local News Reports a Kidnapping at a School It's okay though, she woke up."

"ISIS Comic Did you hear about the ISIS comic? He bombed."

"No one is more shocked that I brought my cat to a baseball game than my cat."

"What's a Grecian Urn? About 75 cents an hour."

"This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense."