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Joke of the Day

"In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with."

"What do you call a guy with no arms or legs that can breathe underwater? Gil."

"It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I'm back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat."

"Whats the difference between Mashed Potatoes and Pea Soup? Anyone can mash potatoes!"

"What is the main ingredient of a fractal fondue? Mandel broth Ha ha ha The puns I make up while working as a grocery cashier.."

"Why I'm leaving /r/jokes I have to go to work. I'll be back later."

"I can swallow a rope and poop out a lasso I shit you knot."

"Baby detective: These stab wounds here, they- *coroner covers the body with a sheet* Baby: OH MY GOD. THE BODY! ITS GONE! WHERE DID IT GO"

"If you need a distraction from the election there is a new American reality TV series starting soon. It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract."

"(Spoiler) TIL in The Revnant Leonardo DiCaprio's sleep number is one dead Indian son."