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Joke of the Day

"If you need a distraction from the election there is a new American reality TV series starting soon. It's called The White House. Apparently the lead actor has been given a 4 season contract."

"Why don't Canadians wear tank tops? They don't have the right to bare arms"

"Your mom.. has one arm, one leg, one titty, one eye, and one finger. They call her ""Uno"". Ironically enough, she also works at Ihop..."

"I wasn't mad. Then you asked me 12 times if I was mad. Well, now I'm mad."

"There should be a drama series about women trying to figure out their mystery leg bruises."

"That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer... Killer: ""Turn down that dark road down there."" Rapist: ""I was planning on it..."""

"I wrote a Ricky Martin joke, but it was gay."

"My girlfriend uses an amazing skin moisturizer It's like taking a handy from a baby!"

"What do you call a place monks go for Halloween? A monascary"

"[gets down on 1 knee] Babe will you-- ""Yeah... Here it is"" [she lends me her phone charger] Thanks"