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Joke of the Day

"Mark Zuckerberg screwed over his class mates and best friend. Do you honestly think he cares about your opinion on the new Timeline layout?"

"How to know you're a Redneck When you look at your sister and think ""I'd bang her""."

"The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds."

"Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind someone on a stationary bike and pretend you're angrily chasing them."

"A guy walks into a bar So a guy walks into a bar.... Where does he go next? The hospital. Why does he go to the hospital? For Alcohol poisoning"

"I'm a bad person... (NSFW) Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday."

"Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back."

"Me: ""Dad, I wanna to go to a 50 cent concert!"" Dad: ""Well here's a dollar, take your sister too."""

"What does one strawberry say to the other? ""Well, if you hadn't been so fresh last night, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam!"""

"Wife: OMG the baby just swallowed some Scrabble tiles! Me: Which ones? Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble"