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Joke of the Day

"The cops said 911 was for emegencies only and not for me to report suspicious looking clouds."

"What's the difference between eating pussy and driving in the fog?... At least when your eating pussy you can see the asshole in front of you!"

"whats the name of the app? Q: Name the app for which all the USERS must be LOSERS? A: TINDER"

"What should my wife & I fight about tonight? Maybe start with something new then segue into a classic?"

"Wait a minute... Computer! Freeze this porn video! Now, zoom in 900%. Enhance... Enhance... Rotate 360 ... There! NO WEDDING RINGS!"

"I sat down beside this guy in a diner, every time he went to take a bite of his sandwich I'd say nomnomnom. He left. Making friends is hard."

"Pizza is like sex When it's good, it's the best. When it's bad, it's still pretty good"

"My boyfriend doesn't believe in labels, which is probably why he drank all that bleach"

"Do they still call it hump day in prison?"

"Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas."