96645

Joke of the Day

"Wife: OMG the baby just swallowed some Scrabble tiles! Me: Which ones? Wife: BLTOUR & E Me: Well, that could spell trouble"

"Me: goodnight moon Moon: It's 6pm Me: I know but I'm tired Moon: I literally just got here"

"It was just a homeless man defecating in an elevator, but that's when the real shit went down."

"What's the best rape prevention tool? A de-boning knife."

"If I want to bang an Eskimo... Alaska"

"I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft."

"I like my coffee like I like my slaves Free"

"{Kid's bday party} Me: Where's the cake? Mom of kid: We don't believe in sugar. Me: I promise it's real. I've seen it with my own eyes."

"my cousin asked if I wanted to hold her baby and I told her I have ringworm"

"Have you heard of OS X Def Leppard? It runs on ARM."