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Joke of the Day

"""Wow, it's pouring out there."" ""Just let a smile be your umbrella!"" ""That's not how rain works, Karen."""

"My bf just asked me ""what do you call it when you get water sprayed up your butt to clean it, again?"" Me ""...foreplay"""

"What's brown and sticky? A twig."

"A man walks into his son's room... He warns his kid, ""Son, you need to stop masturbating, or you'll go blind!"" The boy responds, ""I'm over here, dad."""

"Cop: What's the hurry? Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now."

"A guy caught cold. His wife offers to make him Chicken Soup A chicken sitting nearby says ""Why don't you try Aleve first, ma'am?"""

"My father works as a statistician at Ford. He must be pretty well-respected there, people are always asking for his auto graph."

"Its not drinking alone if the highway patrol has informed you they're calling for back up."

"I wonder who the Jonses try to keep up with."

"Dear bed, I'm SO sorry I left you. I don't know what I was thinking. Please take me back."