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Joke of the Day

"My daughter has green eyes, she got that from me, my wife on the other hand has black eyes.. She also got those from me."

"children crying as stepdad attempts to overturn custom t-shirt mall kiosk that accidentally typed ""#2 dad"" on his photo, stepdad also crying"

"What do Brazil and lesbians have in common? Neither like touching balls."

"me: could my thighs get any bigger? *sits down* me: oh look now they're the size of Australia"

"How do you get to Matthew McConaughey's House? All right, all right, all right.."

"You wanna hot body? You wanna Bugatti? You wanna Maseratti? Then this is an intervention you NEED to stop listening to Britney Spears."

"Here's a new mythological creature for the consideration pile. Taurustaur. Half man, half reliable family sedan."

"My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet."

"Did you hear of the 2 thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months."

"I always bring a condom with me on a night out. Unfortunately, it's always the same one."